Here it comes...

That's how I feel these days! It's time to stop messing around with these stupid diet plans and just get back on an even keel here. Did you notice how I used the word stupid? About diet plans?

That's what most of them are.

There are a billion and a half diets out there, and they will ALL work if you follow them to the letter; at least over the short term. The good ones will give you continuing results and be plans that you can follow over the long term, IF you stick to them. And that's one ginormous, hairy IF, 'cause that's hard to do.

I often wonder why it is that I still carry so much extra weight around; I don't generally think of myself as someone who has no discipline. On the contrary; I made it through the freakin' Velocity Diet (and got no results, although my husband did it too and lost 18lbs), and the more recent 7 Days to Bitchy diet...but here's the thing: I am inconsistent with my application of discipline, and if I'm honest I know that that's why I am still 30lbs overweight. True story!

So, to sum up: I am overweight. I know damn well why. I am working on it. And as long as I keep working on it (because, since we're being honest, I will probably have to fight with this one until I die), I will be okay with all of the above.

It's taken me a long time to get to a place where I can say that. Yay me!

And you know what I totally love?
Working out. That's one area where I never have to worry about consistency, because I love everything about it: the digging deep, the hurting afterward, the grunting and straining and burning and feeling like I'm going to puke...I even love the awful feeling of talking myself into getting it done when my body really, really doesn't want to cooperate. Every minute of it is awesome.

All of these factors put together are what make me good at my job. I don't often get into this but I really do believe wholeheartedly in what I do, and I think that the life experiences that brought me to where I am have left me with a unique perspective. I have something to offer that no one else does.

Are you wondering where I'm going with this yet? You may want to get comfy, 'cause there's a big rant coming...

You know who DOESN'T like working out? Like, at all?
You know who only does it to make herself look good?
You know who hasn't dealt with her own issues AT ALL and foists them onto everyone around her?
You know has zero ability to reflect on herself and her behaviour and how she affects other people?

TV's toughest trainer, that's who.

Jillian Michaels claims to be among the best in the world at her job. I call bullshit on that one, for so many reasons that I can't list them all here. But the list above sort of sums up the big issues. And as far as I'm concerned, it's the personal stuff that really makes the difference between a really good trainer and a total fraud. Never mind that she probably knows the nuts and bolts of how to put a workout together ('cause let's face it; that stuff isn't rocket science although it helps to have some basic knowledge of how to swing a kettlebell. Ha! Ha!), and that she knows that eating clean is the best way to go and why; the problem is that the people who run the Jillian Michaels machine picked a bitchy, overgrown, immature mean girl with a boatload of identity problems that she hasn't dealt with (and probably never will because she can't get over herself long enough to step back and reflect). Jillian Michaels is a face: she's a packaged machine that a whole team of experts have put together and marketed to death in order to communicate the message that healthy, balanced living is good for you.

FAIL.


Anyway. I'm done with her stupid app already; the information in it is totally flawed and backwards and wrong and nobody should put any stock in that shit. I followed her plan for me for a couple of days and could not make the way I normally eat fit into any of her pat little profiles. And when I followed the macronutrient breakdown for what she says is my body type, I gained a pile of weight and felt absolutely terrible.

And speaking of terrible, the workout plan in the app is simply ridiculous!! 5 Circuits of 5 exercises each? Three times through? Really? In HOW long? Did anyone actually try these workouts before they packed them up into a product that is supposed to be used to sell memberships to her website? And her demo's? Ooh, her demo's...honestly, is she trying to spread enthusiasm for exercise or show everyone how shitty and painful working out is? Sheesh...

Seriously.To hell with her 3-hour workouts and her bass-ackwards diet plan; I am done with all of it and I refuse to waste space on my phone with this crap. Want a good workout app? Check out Martin Rooney's Push Up Warrior, or the Nike Training Club. 'Cause Slim Down with Jillian Michaels is probably good masturbation fodder for 16-year-old boys, but that's about it.