So....it's been a while. I hardly know where to start!
Oh wait, I know: remember how I had my little panic attack and applied for a job in a studio? And then didn't get hired? And then let the head of the company know what I thought about not getting hired?
Well, they hired me. Of course, it wasn't as easy as all that; in fact if anyone has had a bumpier start with a company I'd like to hear about it! 'Cause I tell ya, the last three weeks have been one hell of a roller coaster ride. Some days I've felt awesome and totally pumped about the future, thinking that maybe I can effect some positive change in the fitness game...and I've felt totally terrible some days, feeling like getting into the health and fitness industry with my history of yo-yo diets, weight struggles, body image and confidence issues and insecurities was a huge mistake. But I've learned something important about myself, which is this: given all those deep-rooted fears and baggage and shit, and the fact that appearance-based discrimination is a very real thing (and don't get me wrong, I know it's everywhere but it really is more pervasive in the fitness industry), I was not ready to start a business. I thought I was, but I wasn't.
So, because I still have to, you know, bring home some bacon (BACON!) I took the position and I can now tell you that Jocks Inc is actually called Body by Bennett and it really isn't a bad place at all - in fact, I am quite liking it there in spite of the lead-up to how I was hired.
But now, the pressure is on: gotta lose the weight and look the part, and I have to go back to school.
This is good and bad. It's GOOD because these are things that I've wanted to do for myself forever, but haven't because....because I haven't. B3 has been great (amazing, really) about offering every type of support to help me get to where I want to be in terms of personal and professional development, and I feel really fortunate that I landed there. It's BAD because I feel like I'm not good enough and now there are all these weird feels bouncing around that weren't there before. Like, why HAVEN'T I done this? Is my comfort zone so firmly entrenched in this "I'm not good enough" state that I fear climbing out of it? I don't know anyone at work well enough to talk about it and see how public a thing all this is, which makes me very self-conscious. I want to wear a Post-It on my forehead that says "I know I know!! I'm working on it!"
So here's how I'm choosing to look at this whole self-development project, which comes courtesy of my husband who knows exactly what to say in situations like this...sometimes. Ha! Sorry Joel, that was mean. Ha ha. In all seriousness he's a pretty wise and awesome person and great to have around when life seems overwhelming, and he said "well, it's time to channel Chris Pratt - and this is your Marvel movie."
Here's what that means: someone asked Chris Pratt what his secret was to getting all jacked and amazing for Guardians of the Galaxy, and he talked for a while about really awesome things to do like changing small things and be consistent with those changes...and then he said that because he had been cast in a Marvel movie it was either get it done or get fired.
Can't argue with that logic! So this is my Marvel movie. Bring it on, then!
Something that's weird about being in new digs with new people though, is that sometimes it feels strange to work out in front of them. Of course it's my issue and I'll get used to it, but some days....Some days you just gotta go do it at home, which is totally okay too. Here's what I did today (from
www.chroniclesofstrength.com) - all you need is a medium-ish kettlebell.
Fresh off the Yacht
- 5 x 1-arm swings
- 5 x cleans
- 5 x snatches
- 5 x jerks
- 5 x reverse lunges
Repeat on the other side, then rest for 1-3 minutes and repeat for five rounds. That's how you get your sweat on at home, AND you get some laundry done. BOOM.
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