Wednesday afternoon I got into my car to go meet S from Jocks Inc. I was feeling pretty good - I mean, I had absolutely nothing to lose at this point, I had a plan in my head to keep control over the conversation, and I had a mental checklist of points that I wanted to make. Nothing to be nervous about whatsoever.
But.
As I neared the coffee shop where the meeting was to take place, the nerves came tromping in like latecomers to a classical music performance, shuffling and snorting and rattling and generally causing a disturbance to all the organized thoughts that had shown up on time and were sitting quietly. As the nerves settled into their front row seats, lots of the organized thoughts got pissed off and left...and as I took my seat across from S (who did not match the mental picture I had of him AT ALL), the only thing I really wanted to accomplish was to not projectile vomit onto his shirt.
After the usual pleasantries had been exchanged, S launched into kind of a boring diatribe about finding the right fit for the company and blah blah blah. I don't remember much of that part of the conversation except that I wondered what on earth that stuff could possibly have to do with me since I had already been rejected on somewhat questionable grounds, and I was also busy trying to scrape some intelligent thoughts back together. Then he thanked me for writing the letter and commented that it must have really taken a lot of strength and courage to write it, and that it gave him some context in which to place the feedback that he'd heard from the two guys who had met with me - namely that there was a disconnect between the skill and experience that I had demonstrated and my physical appearance.
"Obviously, we both know what the problem is."
Right. And with that comment, all my organized thoughts came back. And you know what? We had a really great discussion about what's wrong with the fitness industry (lots), about mindset, work ethic, coaching, flexing to accommodate different personalities, how to best help the people who need it most (the people who are LEAST likely to walk in the door). I was brutally honest and I didn't hold back one bit, and it felt really good to just come out and say it all and have an open conversation. Some things he said irked me - he asked me if I had worked with a dietitician (of course I have) and if I was willing to give that another shot. At one point he commented that "at least (I was) doing something about it". Toward the middle of the conversation he said, "I have one more question for you, and it's a sensitive one: how do I sell you to clients?" To which I said, I've walked a mile in just about everyone's shoes at this point. I've been overweight, out of shape, in shape, strong, weak, I've gone through pregnancy, childbirth, I've juggled being a working mom who's trying to find time to fit it all in, I've been a competitive athlete and a total couch potato, I've struggled through depression and low self-esteem, injuries, menopause, eating clean consistently and eating shit consistently. I know how to train and coach and I'm good at my job and my track record speaks for itself regardless of what's below my shoulders at this moment. He asked me if I was comfortable sharing my story with clients, with other trainers and other gym members....to which I said, absolutely - I have nothing to hide; in fact I have already put all my baggage on the internet for the entertainment of all!
From there the conversation drastically changed course. He asked me where I was at as far as career development and headspace were concerned.
Then he asked me what my salary expectation was. And started telling me all about their benefits plan, expectations of trainers, and what I should expect of them as an employer. And what kind of hours did I want to work, keeping in mind that work/life balance is important? I was taken aback by this and told him so...I was not expecting to answer job interview-type questions; I figured that door was closed.
After a good two hours of conversation, S thanked me for creating an environment where we could talk freely about stuff without being awkward or embarrassed, and confessed that he had been extremely nervous and uncomfortable going into this meeting. He wanted to think about whether or not there was a fit between Jocks Inc. and me, and said I had given him lots to consider...and that was that.
It felt good to be heard, it really did. And whether or not it pans out, I figure it doesn't matter because I've said what I needed to say. That we are all SO MUCH MORE than what we appear to be on the surface, and the fitness industry forgets about that sometimes. It's so busy marketing sex appeal and superficial bullshit that it forgets that what's important is living life, feeling good, and nuturing good relationships,especially with ourselves. And to be ABLE to keep moving forward no matter what life throws at us.
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