My Hygiene is Terrible

There, I said it. 

I thought I was going to die when my alarm went off at 4:24 this morning. I seriously felt like I had been asleep for about 5 minutes.

Now, while normally I am a morning person, I am not one to leap out of bed and enthusiastically greet the day with yoga or running or whatever. Generally my morning routine consists of breakfast (I wake up ready to eat a hole in the fabric of the universe so don't get between me and my oatmeal!), and sufficient coffee to get my brain functioning on a level where I am capable of completing a word
game or sudoku...and then I head to work.

Oh wait, were you waiting for stories about how I don't own a toothbrush or wash the bath towels? 

Sorry guys. I'm talking about sleep hygiene. (I think I smell okay most of the time. If I don't you have
to tell me!) 

Anyway. I actually quite like my morning routine and I get pretty grumpy if anything interferes with it, so hitting the snooze button until it's time to jump out of bed, throw on clothes, and guzzle coffee spiked with egg whites and protein powder while I'm driving to work (although that makes a pretty kick-ass quick-ass breakfast if that's how you roll) kinda colours the rest of my day. So, since my work day starts at 5:30am most of the time, and going to bed at 8:30pm isn't really a viable option, 

how on earth do I make this happen? 

If I had answered that question a couple of years ago, I would have answered thusly: "I can sleep when I'm dead! Sleepiness is weakness of character!"

But really what was happening back then was that I'd muscle my way through the week getting progressively stupider, until Friday when I'd spend my work day asking people to stick a kettlebell in their ear using their elbows. Then I'd go home and crash at 7pm, wake up on Saturday at 9am and steel myself to do it all again. It wasn't good. And I burned out. 

So when it came time to get back to the early morning routine, I needed a plan in order to not go down in flames. Getting to bed earlier wasn't an option, so what was left? 

NAPS. 

Ladies and gents, I have turned into a grown-up toddler who gets foul and weepy and dangerous if she doesn't get forty winks in the afternoon. I didn't start this habit on purpose. I used to get home from work, grab some food, and sit down in front of the computer to eat and get some work done and I would wake up two hours later, one side of my face covered in drool and imprinted keyboard keys. After a few of these narcoleptic episodes I decided not to fight it anymore. 

Going to bed in the evening is another story though: when I get into bed, I have this problem where I feel compelled to play silly preschool games on my phone until I have to use scotch tape to keep my eyes open (and I do sometimes, just to get another level done) even though I know better. I know you're supposed to turn the screens of an hour before bed to get better sleep. So, who's with me? Chances are, you need better sleep too, so let's make a deal. Why don't we put our phones away at 9pm for the next 30 days, and we'll see what happens?