What would Lao Tzu do?

Clearly Lao Tzu did not have a weight problem. I mean, besides the obvious ethnic and circumstantial stuff that would dictate that he probably maintained a weight of about 94lbs for his entire life (give or take a few ounces here and there), anyone who can smugly proclaim that

doesn't need to worry about that first step depositing half a metric ton of pressure on his joints. He probably didn't get up in the morning and feel every step he took the day before in his hips and knees and ankles...and more to the point, he didn't waste any time wondering if he was even worth the effort, he just went. Part of me thinks he probably could have used a punch in the solar plexus but I guess since that's not an option I'll have to settle for grudging acquiescence.

It's been kind of a heavy couple of weeks, in every sense of the word. I am actually dizzy from swinging back and forth between feeling psyched about starting this new chapter - new personal project, new business, new everything - and feeling paralyzed with fear and doubt. But hey, fear and doubt and I are old buddies! We're comfortable together! We don't have to put up any pretenses in each other's company and they are the ones I run to when the going gets tough...but it's time to make some new friends - some that challenge me and make me better for being in their company. Yeah, it'll be uncomfortable for a while, but we'll just have to get used to each other!

So we're gonna do this. It'll be fun. Lots of you have written to tell me you're with me on this so I have something special in the works for all of you awesome sauces...and if you haven't written to me but want in, drop me a line! My email is always open.

Right then - to the brutally honest stuff: I'd be lying if I said being inside my head hasn't been freaking exhausting lately, although actually moving forward has been a welcome change. I spent this week re-learning how to behave myself (and we shall see tomorrow how well I did when I get on the horrid little platform in the bathroom that measures my self-worth...ha ha! Did I really just say that? Oh dear, definitely some work to do in that department), re-visiting some old favorite recipes (zucchini pasta ftw!!), and, when I got tired of wearing grooves in my brain with THINKING, I put on some youtube chef tutorials and learned to be a ninja with a kitchen knife!

Developing my knife skills is something I've always wanted to do - I love cooking and anything I can do to make my time in the kitchen more efficient is a plus...and really, whoever said violence doesn't solve anything never bashed through a pile of veggies with a really sharp knife, 'cause that shit feels AWESOME. It's an amazing stress reliever, and I have a backyard full of rhubarb to practice on. Fun!!

So what's up for this week? This week I am going to make myself feel better, dammit. It's time to stop fighting reality and go bra shopping (sorry dudes, you're here for the uncensored version) because my cups runneth over...and it's getting kinda old. For a while there I was thinking to myself that I refuse to purchase anything new to accommodate the extra weight - it wasn't supposed to stick around for long - and if I was going to move in the wrong direction then I damn well didn't deserve to feel comfortable doing it. The problem with that, though, is that it's really hard to get a good workout in a bra that doesn't fit. And you know what else sucks? It's really hard to ENJOY a good workout when you're feeling bad about falling out of your bra all over the place, or beating yourself up over back fat.

The sheer ridiculousness of that noise just hit me. Seriously? I've allowed my hang ups to interfere with the joy I derive from the very activity that will move me toward what I want? Tell me how that makes any sense. It's messed up, yo.

Well, no more.

Okay guys, tell me what you're gonna do for yourself this week!