Book Review: The Heavy by Dara-Lynn Weiss

Book Review: The Heavy: A Mother, A Daughter, A Diet

I did it: I went and actually spent money on the book that I was loathe to read. Even the title strikes a nerve and makes me twitch with irritation. A kid on a diet? Come on. And this Mom? Described as a Manhattan socialite who puts her daughter on a diet at age 7, with the promise of a glamorous photo shoot at the end? Nauseating.

A few posts ago, I promised to read this book, written by arguably one of the most publicly hated women of 2012, and then review it here. I was not looking forward to reading it; I fully expected it to make me really, really angry.

It didn't. In fact, to my surprise, I don't disagree with what Dara-Lynn Weiss did. Do I disagree with the details of how she did it? In many cases, yes, but here's the thing: I fully believe that everything she did to help her daughter get to a healthy weight was done lovingly, sensitively, and with her daughter's best interests at heart. She is also the first to admit that she made a lot of mistakes, but under the circumstances she was doing the best she could.

Here's what I think is really interesting: parenting, and mothering in particular, is a competitive sport in our society. Like it or not, we are insanely judgemental of each other where parenting is concerned, and there's no way anyone is going to garner full support from putting unconventional ideas about parenting out there. Especially if you admit to being human: for getting frustrated, acting inappropriately sometimes, for failing here and there along the way. The other big hang-up our society has is weight. It's taboo to talk about, and again you're damned no matter what: if you overeat or have a tendency to overeat you're lazy and weak-minded and permissive. If you resist the giant portions and processed junk in favor of being healthy, you are in danger of being labeled sanctimonious and controlling. So what do you do if you have an overweight kid? There's no end to the character crucifixions that are going to be hurled your way.

 I have to confess, a lot of what the author was up against in her journey with her daughter hit closer to home than I'd like to admit. Like me, she's a working mom with one kid who has a tendency to overeat and one kid who easily self-regulates. Like me, she has lots of her own emotional baggage where weight control is concerned. Her story could be mine except that my older daughter never reached a point where our family doctor needed to step in and demand that something be done about her weight. And that's where my first irritation with the book lies: right at the beginning. 'Cause seriously, how do you let a child get to that point? Who's in charge? But I'll let that go because I think she learned her lesson the hard way.

There are a lot of small aspects of what Dara-Lynn Weiss did to help her daughter lose weight that I don't agree with. What I do agree with though, is the fact that she put it all out there, and I applaud her courage for shining a light on an extremely contentious issue. For making a plan and sticking to it. For wading through a ton of misinformation and making her decisions based on what was right for her daughter and her family in spite of the unabashed judgement of onlookers. For being honest about her mistakes and failures, and for letting her daughter take ownership of what successes they achieved together.

Childhood obesity needs to be talked about, from a more sensitive and understanding standpoint than what we are used to. If nothing else, Dara-Lynn Weiss has opened the door to frank discussion on the subject. Her book is worth a read...and can I just say that I'm very glad I spent the money on it?

Project Update
100 workouts in 100 days: today is day 52, and I'm at 44 workouts. Still on track to be at par by day 60, though it might kill me!

In other news, feet are happy and (wait for it) my left arm is not going to require surgery after all, just a whack of physiotherapy. Whoohoo!